One of the most primitive feelings of humankind is fear.
Without someone telling us, we used to fear the time when the night falls and yet we were enormously afraid of the light either is comes from the sky or the ground. Anything new could be nothing but scary. We knew better than trying to have a beast as our pet. We used to fear the deep water and the highest of places. Somehow.. we were never afraid of dying. How come?..
Fear has a special skill.. it tricks you into believing that something bad will happen even when you can’t be sure about it because you never tried. People found a way to keep themselves safe during night time by building homes. They found a way to use the light, wherever it comes from for their benefit and the community’s. We can’t be afraid of deep waters now that we found a way to sail on it or even traveling in it without keeping our breath. Now we have airplanes and submarines.. boats and ships. Now we have animals that used to be called beasts. Cats and dogs were not so cute and adorable back in the day. To sum up, there is no difficulty that we haven’t found a solution to. Such clever species.. why our youngest still fear the dark then? The deep seas and the highs? Not all children of course but a noticeable amount of them do.
We are grown ups now and we know better! The less fear you have, the best life you get. No anxiety, or any kind of mental illness. How come the earliest generation suffers from mental illnesses then? We have all figured out! When you have nothing to be afraid of, nothing can bring no harm upon you. Right? Right..
Is it though?
The problems and concern that I used to try and wrap my head around mean nothing to me now. Now we are dealing with actually problems! Fear has a face now.. a specific smell.. a mind of its own.. a pattern. One more of our natural fears is the loud and sudden noises. No matter how brave you think you are, when you hear gunfires, your heart will stop for a second or two. You see, our mind is trying to keep us safe by sending signals throughout our body that danger is near.
Our evolution caused the addition of infinite fears.
Fear of dying, failure, loneliness, rejection, other people’s opinions on your life choices and the list never seems to end. We end up having millions of reasons to be scared, therefor deeply unhappy and in order to keep our children safe from the same unbearable feeling.. instead of working on ourselves to find the very roots of our problems, we burden them with them. Is it really the only way we can help them? To share with them our biggest fears? Will this help them escape the feeling or the possible bad outcome of a similar situation?
In our life, we never stopped speaking ways out of trouble and problems. Eliminating the dangers, we succeeded to have lees to fear from the outside but the human’s mind is way more complicated than that. We are problem solvers, we are fixers, builders, hunters.. and we chose to live without the basic functions. By making these decisions the fear couldn’t come from outside so we turned inside and we found traumas, wounds, scars in our souls and minds. Turn the lights on in a room is easy, try and do that in your deepest bits in you. What keeps you awake at night? Its not the wolf that’s howling.. its not the bear that smelled your food.. is it the fear of losing someone? Or is it still what happened in second grade? Or maybe, what your parents think of you.. or what’s wrong with you and they all leave you.
We hide in underground shelters, caves and abandoned houses so they can’t find us. We are looking for a way to keep them away from us so we can survive another day todo the exact same thing. You know what keeps me awake last night? The ‘I love you” I should have said when I could and instead, I chose not to and that is something that truly hunts me day and night but it also keeps me alive. Another day.. another opportunity. We can never know what is going to happen the next minute. No relaxation at night time, no resting. All day, every day.. fighting for our survival. Now there is no more slackness, just death waiting outside. We can’t possibly know what might come through the shadows.. and if the shadow is the last thing our eyes will come across.
If we are lucky Elina will not come in our shelter. Keep in mind that it’s not the same Elina any more. She is far from the Director’s obedient pet. Elina has been upgraded, changed, evolved. Her death had a greater impact than we thought it would. I don’t have many informations about her yet but i’ll tell you this much.. you don’t won’t to come across her. Ever. I named her Shadow Assassin just to keep the right truck in her story. I wish I knew back then, how things would turn out today so I wouldn’t pick her.. I wouldn’t change her.. once again, we were condemned.